Ducky does his Shtick!

OK, here are my additions to the TCC Comedy Club. Imagine a rim shot after each! Hope you like them.

What kind of doctor prescribes Coke and 7-Up to his patients?
A poptometrist.

A talking horse showed up at Yankee Stadium and persuaded the manager to let him try out for the team. His first turn up at bat, the horse hit a powerful line drive deep into right field—and then just stood there.
“Run! Run!” screamed the manager.
“Run?” said the horse. “If I could run, I'd be in the Kentucky Derby.”

Why are pirates called pirates?
’Cause they arrrrrr.

What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.

What happened when the students’ shoelaces got tangled together?
They went on a class trip.

What does a dinosaur wear to a formal dinner?
A tricera-top hat.

How did the geologist develop a career as an expert on sinkholes?
She just fell into it.

Josie: Who invented Lifesavers?
Jamal: I don't know, but I hear he made a mint.

A passenger in a taxi had a question about the route, so she leaned forward and tapped the driver on the shoulder. The driver screamed and lost control of the cab, swerving across traffic and narrowly missing a bus before driving up onto the curb and coming to rest just inches from a fire hydrant. For a few moments they sat in a stunned silence. Then the driver, still shaking, said, “I'm sorry about that, you scared the daylights out of me. Are you all right?”
The frightened passenger said she was fine, then apologized for startling him: “I didn't think a little tap would scare you so badly!”
The driver replied, “It's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. For twenty-five years before this I drove a hearse.”

OK, I am off to see how everyone else is doing today. This is fun. We all need some laffs.